Being an adult really sucks sometimes
I know it’s cliche and boring to say, but being on top of my stuff and responsible every single day is not fun or glamorous.
Paying bills on time? Boring and stressful.
Cooking for myself every night? Messy, cumbersome, and exhausting.
Running errands, writing emails, going to work, filing taxes, cleaning the house, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, remembering birthdays and anniversaries and holidays and making sure to create reminders on my calendar so I know to buy a gift and send it on time, making sure the dogs are fed and walked and that they’re not low on food and that they’re up to date on their vaccinations and flea medications, making doctor’s appointments for myself and actually going to said doctors appointments even though I’ve been working all day and I really want to go home and change and relax but this was the only appointment I could fit into my schedule and I’ve been putting this off for too long as it is so I just need to grit and bear it, trying to figure out why my back hurts, or my feet, or my neck and shoulders, noticing that those laugh and frown lines between my brows and on my forehead are getting a little deeper and don’t disappear when my expression is neutral anymore, but for some reason I still break out like I’m 16 again when I’m stressed because why the hell not, and OH SWEET JESUS IS THAT A GREY HAIR?????
I don’t miss being a teenager. At least, not really; not when I sit and actually think about it. I could wax poetic and bore the socks off of anyone, repeating all the same, tired lines about how I wish I had been able to enjoy myself more then and not be so consumed by trivial things at the time and I was so cute and thin and had so much ahead of me and god, what I wouldn’t give to go back and do it again knowing what I know now…
But the truth of the matter is this: I’m just as unsure about what is going to happen to me now as I was 15 years ago. And when I was a teenager, the things that seemed so big and important were big and important at the time, and within the scope of my life and what I had experienced up until that point. I can’t be angry with my younger self for not having an additional 15 years of experience and emotional maturity and growth and for not seeing the “bigger picture” that I now, as an adult™️, see and understand.
I don’t know if I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I was when I was 15. I think some days are better than others. And you know what? There still are days when I lay around in my sweats and eat junk food and watch tv and get nothing actually productive done at all. There are days when I procrastinate or avoid certain responsibilities because they’re exhausting or stressful or boring or messy. I don’t think that’ll ever truly change because I’m still a human being.
I dunno. I guess what I’m trying to say here is be patient with yourself as you’re growing up. Allow yourself the space to explore and live your life the best you can and do what makes you happy, but don’t forget to try and set yourself up for success as well. Listen to the advice from others and try and learn from their mistakes, but also recognize that sometimes the only way we truly learn ourselves is through trial and error. And if you fall down and fuck up and get hurt along the way, or worse, if you hurt others, allow yourself to feel it. Apologize to them, or to yourself, and try to do better next time.
We’re all trying to figure it out all the time – it never stops no matter how old you are. The only way we grow is to keep going.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.