ronandhappiness:

vivithefolle:

austenpoppy:

About insecurity, insecurities, and self-esteem (or lack of)

We often either say that Ron is deeply insecure, either that he has some insecurities – as if it were the same thing.

In a way, it is.

But I think we should make a difference between the terms.

Some might roll their eyes at me and gruff, or raise their eyebrows with a smirk. I know, I’m really barmy, aren’t I ?

Here is the definition of insecurity : “uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.”

The thing is, people can be insecure about a lot of things concerning themselves.

I think that we should distinguish those who are unsure about some things, that I’d call insecurities, and a sense of insecurity running deeper and concerning oneself in general.

Realistically speaking, most people have insecurities. It’s what makes us humans, with our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They are linked to subjects we would like to avoid, some things we’d rather not think about, memories we would like not to dwell on.

It’s quite different to feel permanently insecure. Because it really undermines your sense of self, your vision of your abilities and of your own worth. It can be crippling. It’s horrible. It can even be dangerous (how many insecure people cut themselves or committed suicide over the years ?)

That’s a difference we find in the Harry Potter series.

I would say that nearly every single well-developped character (well, I don’t know much about Florian Fortescue) in the series has insecurities.

For example :

Harry was very afraid in general of abandonment. Having a family, people who care about him, is rather a big deal at first and he is not used to it. Sometimes, the fear that all of that will disappear – that every bit of happiness he ever got will vanish – reappears. Harry can also doubts his abilities as a leader when he thinks about it too much – people look up to him, and he feels the presure of being the one taking decisions – even if most of the time he subconsciously takes the lead without thinking about it twice.

Hermione has or had insecurities about her appearance. Enough to lead her to modify her teeth magically, at least. She is also a crippled perfectionnist who cannot even fathom the idea of failure. I think she defines herself mostly by her intelligence, and deep down believes that she has to help fixing others’ problems and get them right otherwise they might reject her – because she would reject herself if she were a failure.

Dumbledore had insecurities. Concerning his past, concerning his relationship with Grindelwald, concerning the role he had in his family, concerning his relationship with power.

Even the Weasley twins, I think, could display a behaviour betraying some insecurities from time to time. For example when Ron got appointed as prefect, and Molly fussed over him with exclamations such as ‘A prefect ! That’s everyone in the family !’, they became downright scornful towards Ron, and really indignant (‘What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours ?’). I believe they were afraid of being forgotten, of being only seen as the clowns that no one take seriously, of being rejected because they were not taking the same path as the others. So, they acted as if they did not care at all, as if being a prefect was a disgrace… to push the hurt out of their hearts. But they did care.

And for other characters it run a lot deeper. It affects their self-esteem so much that it prevents them from achieving their potential and it leads them to downplay their feelings, run away from others or even have a self-destructive behaviour. Everything affects them, hurts them, or on the contrary gives them endless and irrepressible joy. They can misunderstand the most obvious behaviours, have self-depreciating tendencies, and take a lot of things personally.

I identify four characters with these characteristics : Remus Lupin, Hagrid, Neville and Ron.

Lupin’s insecurity comes, obviously, from his condition as a werewolf. He is sure – and sadly was proven right a lot of times by the wizarding society – that once people are aware of his situation they will reject him. Because he is a monster. A monster that should have nothing to do with other people. Most of the time composed, it hurts to see so much self-loathing when Remus removes the layers of pretended chillness and confidence (for example the scene in the Shriecking Shack). And it leads him to run away from everything that might make him happy (Tonks, his baby) because he believes he doesn’t deserve them and worst, would spoil them by his mere presence.

Hagrid is a character who always seems extremely baffled when people believe in him or even love him (Dumbledore, the Trio…). He hasn’t got any real confidence and once the joyful giddiness wears off, he is unsure, and it takes one comment to destabilize him and makes him feel low and stupid (Umbridge, Draco Malfoy… and it’s worsened by the fact that Hagrid is one of the most naive characters in the whole series). And from the moment he feels unworthy of the things he has (for example as a teacher), he won’t try for a long time to take up on those things (the classes in third year who became extremely boring after one class). He also has this unhealthy habit of drinking to drown his problems.

Neville is maybe the most obvious character to identify as deeply insecure for the majority of readers, simply because he is the most open about it in the first four books and is identified as having no real self-esteem by the narrative itself. Honestly, as much as I like Augusta Longbottom, it is quite obvious this deep insecurity comes from the way Neville was raised – in comparison of his father. He was expected to be just as talented as his father, and it crippled him – literally. In the first four books, Neville believes he has nothing to do in Gryffindor, and barely anything to do at Hogwarts at all (the second book when he buys gadgets to protect himself from the “Monster” because he is persuaded he is nearly a Squib is heartwrenching). Snape worsened considerably his insecurity. Fortunately, Neville began to find his own path through Herbology classes, and got indulged by Pomona Sprout. For Neville, it was the first step on the way of a normal self-esteem. It gave him enough confidence to try in other subjects. Dumbledore’s Army has really been a blessing, since at the moment Neville got the determination to improve in DADA to revenge his parents, he had an entire group to help him, with much needed patience. I believe that, by the time of the Deathly Hallows, Neville became a leader (he took this responsibility after Harry and Ron left) who was chill, knew what he had to do and didn’t take the time to doubt himself. I am sure that, in the end, he found his path; and this horrible insecurity he had as a child vanished. But it made him an excellent teacher. The best teachers are the ones who know what failure feels like.

Ron… *deep sigh* From the moment you meet him, you know he feels insecure, you know he is afraid of being “the lesser one”, “the useless one”, “the untalented one” – once again notice that this insecurity comes from comparisons. In the first four books, Ron, despite the fact that he is painfully honest and open, which makes him vulnerable, acts as if he doesn’t care. Honestly I believe that on some matters Ron is great to make people forget he is there, but one look at him and you would know how he feels. But, on the contrary of Neville, his insecurity, that people should have helped dealing with, worsened with time. Because no adult really indulged him. Because he became more and more transparent in comparison of his ‘bright and shiny’ siblings, of Harry the hero and Hermione the genius. Because he began to believe that his feelings didn’t matter, that his abilities – what abilities ?- didn’t matter, that he didn’t matter. Notice that he became more open about it as well, as if he were stating facts (ex : “I resign, I’m pathetic”). Ron is oversensitive and takes everything personally, especially in OOTP and in HPB. Ron, like Neville, is deeply affected by both praise and critics. Has self-depreciating tendencies. By the time of DH, it was urgent to do something. With the locket… it became too late to ever make it disappear.

Yes. Hear me. Too late.

The locket tortured Ron with his insecurity (follow my tag #torture if you want to learn more about my interpretation, that I will defend to death). Repeated him endlessly that he was worthless, useless, that everything negative he thought about himself were true, that no one cared about him and no one would care if he died (cf The Silver Doe). To the point that he believed in the middle of DH that he was nothing.

To me it looks dangerously like the beforehand of a suicide.

I am baffled that people actually believe that Ron’s lack of self-esteem disappeared with the Silver Doe.

No. This chapter just made Ron confront it rather than brush it to the side. That’s all.

Ron came face-to-face with his insecurities and won. Once.

I don’t believe he’ll ever be truly over his insecurities. It was much too late.

Ron
doesn’t have anyone, besides Harry, willing to vouch for his abilities;
no one to cheer him on when he’s feeling discouraged, no one to praise
him when he does something right.

And Ron is the type of
person that needs this sort of reassurance to function. There’s a reason
why he’s so good at reacting to danger – he doesn’t have time to
second-guess himself. When he’s threatened he observes his surroundings
and take immediate action, which doesn’t give time for his insecurities
and doubts to play against him. That’s why he was rubbish at Quidditch
at first – he had time to rationalize, to psych himself into a
near-panic over his belief that he’s not good enough.

And
it shows so much through the entire series. Whenever Ron achieves
something, whenever he’s given time to shine, he gets “punished” for it.
Quidditch? He has to endure an entire year of humiliation – some
teenagers have been driven to suicide for less than that – before he’s
allowed to triumph and even then JKR makes sure he bumps his head on the
door’s lintel to ridicule him. Saving Harry’s life, destroying the
Horcrux and having his soul laid bare to be psychologically and
emotionally tortured, with his best mate for an audience? People choose
to forget that, instead dogpiling on the fact that he left (and
according to them, shouldn’t have come back – enjoy your drowned Harry
and your frosted Hermione then).

Ron has so
many things to him, so many powerful feelings and emotions and
possibilities. Hell, the scars he’s given at the Ministry of Magic
wouldn’t be out-of-place in some awesome superhero’s backstory. He
demonstrates frighteningly powerful magic at times, too. He walks on the
perfect line of comedy and tragedy, being this character that brings so
much joy and light to what would otherwise be a duo of dull cynists,
but can’t see how bright he shines and how much he’s needed, and is
downright forced to believe he’s not good enough, never was,
never will be… all that, because people don’t ever pay attention to him;
all that, because despite his charisma and his wit, people notice
famous Harry Potter and “brilliant” Hermione Granger more; all that
because he’s cast in all these enormous shadows and his own author
decided he’d never have any sunlight.

Ron
sacrificed his feelings of self-worth and the very, very little
self-esteem he had for Harry and Hermione’s sakes, and this sacrifice
isn’t even seen by most readers of the HP series, and it just… breaks my
heart.

Not cooooool……..