inkskinned:

at six he pushed me down the stairs of the playground and
while i sat there, arms wrapped around my injury,
i was granted the crucifix by which we tame girls at a young age –
a soundbite that bit me: 

“he’s only doing it to get a rise out of you.”

a rise, here meaning a reaction, here meaning,
don’t make a scene, it lets him win, here meaning
make no retaliation, let him keep playing, sit there and force
every howl you feel building in yourself
down into a whimper,
wipe your nose and limp back home

at sixteen i was already familiar with this concept of sinking,
of submission by point of silence, of
un-rising
where i would weigh in one hand my safety and in the other hand, burning,
the sheer rage i chewed on every time a boy whispered things that
belonged only inside a bedroom

“he’s only doing this to get a rise out of you,” here meaning,
a boy can’t be a bully, here meaning flirting looks like abuse,
here meaning – let him run his wild hands all over you, 
do not cower, it will only lead him on, do not fight back, that’s 
slutty too

at twenty i was a raging feminist asshole, couldn’t just make friends,
couldn’t just slink in and out of parties, would start fights with frat boys
about shit they should know but turn their cheeks from,
would be kicked out and snapchatted and called crazy because 
i asked them to their faces if you knew what he did 
why didn’t you say anything
and while i watched these same people cross stages at graduation
flip me off
and then keep going
i was reminded to be the feminine emotional mess aka
no emotions at any point, ever showing, for fear 
they might be conceived of as inappropriate

“he’s just doing this to get a rise out of you” 
because he knows you won’t cry without being told you’re overemotional
and you won’t yell because ladies aren’t loud and you 
won’t speak out because then you lose in both ways, don’t you;
he won when he hurt you and you, stupid girl,
you lost when you actually felt it

at twenty five i am exhausted, can’t see the light, am sipping 
on the drink i don’t want at a house party that’s too pretentious 
listening to white boys debate things they’ll never be a part of 
and the trial comes up because it’s gotta – and you know how it goes
because you’ve been here before,
the sliding in of a devil’s advocate, that sleek smile, that bitter on their lips, that
victorious well i think he’s innocent, boy as heroic, like we asked for it, like we 
deserve this, like he’s blessing us with a wisdom we had somehow missed,
like we should be thanking him, like – oh, everybody, move over and let
this man say things we’ve all heard before;

later, my panic attack is subsiding. i think it was his comment, 
“if she was drunk, she should have seen it coming,” but i can’t 
pinpoint it. things like this happen to me now. sometimes it is like dew,
sometimes it is flood. i am shaking on the floor of a bathroom. my friend
is petting my hair. we are gently talking around a subject. 
one of his friends peeks into the room. passes me a warm cider.
assures me, “he’s just doing it to get a rise out of you.”

i am twenty and he puts his hands on me.
i am sixteen and he puts his hands on me.
i am six and he puts his hands on me. my knee is torn open. 

getting a rise – here meaning: to cause pain. to incite to bleed.

hillnerd:

TRIGGER WARNING- 

TRIGGERS UNDER THE STRIKETHROUGH- sexual assault (s.a.)

Just want to put out there, for all of you who are survivors of s.a.- I’m sorry you’re having to have an inundation of stories of s.a. in our media right now. With the current hearings, and the me too movement, and trump stuff- there are some great things (society is having to come to terms with how they treat survivors, there’s some justice finally happening etc.) it’s been a lot to deal with the past two years.

You may not be ready to hear about this stuff in your everyday life- and you might never be- and that’s ok. You don’t have to be a survivor out there telling your story- you don’t have to be ‘brave’- you don’t have to be ok with hearing this stuff, good or bad.

I’m just sorry you’ve had to go through this, are seeing so much of this topic int the media and world you can’t opt out of- and wanted to put that out there. 

You’re incredible. You survived. You deserve every peace and happiness and shouldn’t have to hear this crap unless you want to seek it out.

bluepoliceboxwitch:

Men. Step up. Rape is your issue too. It happens to you too. But more often, you’re perpetrators of it. So do your part. Ensure your sexual relations are consensual. Always ask. And make sure they feel comfortable saying no. Always respect your partner’s answer. Pay attention to if you’re making potential sexual partners feel uncomfortable.

And if you see your friends behaving like this, don’t let them. Your power in this is greater than ours. Most behavior is policed through societal norms rather than the law. Don’t let inappropriate jokes about women be the norm. Don’t let your friends get away with this behavior. Don’t support your friends if they’re accused of this behavior. Don’t be friends with people who abuse their sexual partners. Or their romantic ones. It’s not okay. And it is your responsibility to say something too. Don’t defend these kinds of actions.

bluepoliceboxwitch:

1 in 5 women in the US have been raped. You know someone who has been raped.

Only 2-8% of rape accusations are false. This is in comparison to the 50% that college students surveyed estimated were false. This is rape culture. Where rapists are protected and victims are perceived as liars.

Women ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely to be raped. Female college students ages 18-24 are 3 times more likely than other women to be raped.

60% of inmate sexual violence is perpetrated by prison or jail staff.

46% of bisexual women report being raped in their lifetime.

12-34 is the age range of people most likely to be sexually assaulted.

70% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.

American Indians are twice as likely as other races to be victims of rape/sexual assault.

1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.

33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.

Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.

37% of survivors experience family/friend problems, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their family/friends, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime. Rape isolates you.

More than 50% of the sexual contact between inmate and staff members—all of which is illegal—is nonconsensual.

Both men and women who have been assaulted are more likely to report frequent headaches, chronic pain, difficulty sleeping, limitations on activity, and poor physical and mental health.

Only 12 percent of female rape victims were assaulted when they were 10 or younger, but almost half of female victims said they had been raped before they turned 18. About 80 percent of rape victims reported that they had been raped before age 25.

About 35 percent of women who had been raped as minors were also raped as adults.

More than half of female rape victims had been raped by an intimate partner, and 40 percent had been raped by an acquaintance; more than half of men who had been raped said the assailant was an acquaintance.

At least 54% of rapes are not reported.

The following are reason why victims didn’t report:
20% feared retaliation
13% believed the police would not do anything to help
13% believed it was a personal matter
8% reported to a different official
8% believed it was not important enough to report
7% did not want to get the perpetrator in trouble
2% believed the police could not do anything to help
30% gave another reason, or did not cite one reason

50% of rape perpetrators are 30 or older

57% of rape perpetrators are white.

In 2002, inmates convicted for rape only served on average 48 months or 4 years, even though their victims are more likely to have long lasting effects from the crime.

America Indian women have a 33% change of being raped in their lifetime.

97% of rapists have never been incarcerated.

80-90% of military rapes are not reported. Maybe that’s because 90% of the victims are dishonorable discharged, while 80% of the perpetrators who are discharged, are discharged with honor.

LGBT prisoners are 15 times more likely to be raped while incarcerated.

Souces: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

bluepoliceboxwitch:

Rape and sexual assault are unfortunately common, but aren’t discussed due to shame, fear, and embarrassment. There is a stigma against talking about these experiences. Unfortunately, if you make a claim, people are more likely to believe that you’re lying than telling the truth. However, statistically, most are true. And what perpetuates this? A culture designed to protect the accused, a culture that tells men that they are owed women’s bodies, a culture that tells women they’re responsible for preventing this from happening, a culture that tells women to be silent and shut up or we’ll attack you all over again.

Listen to the women in your life when we tell you that this is happening. Don’t just try to protect your friends or yourself. If you feel threatened by women’s (and men’s) stories of harassment, assault, and rape, perhaps you need to inspect your own behavior and that of those around you. Why do you feel a need to protect them, but not us? Why do you think their lives are more important than ours? Why do you think it’s just “boys being boys”? Is it perhaps that you’ve done some of this behavior yourself?

If so, change it. Learn how to assure consent in your sexual experiences. Just because your partner isn’t saying no, doesn’t mean they’re saying yes. Many women fear saying no, because we fear the consequences of doing so. Obtain verbal consent (and not by repeatedly pressuring for it).

Learn how to behave appropriately around females. Thinking of commenting unasked on our appearance? Don’t. Thinking of touching us without permission even on a nonsexual body part? Don’t. If a person appears uncomfortable, stiffens, or pulls away when you’re doing so, they don’t want you to. Learn to read others’ body language and facial expressions. Consider the effect your behavior has on others. It’s not that hard to not sexually assault or harass somebody and if you feel it is, you’re the problem.