Can you maybe do a post on the elements of a kiss scene?
Certainly, and I’m sorry it took so long – I have several post
requests I’m working on, and thankfully, I finally have a bit of
spare time to answer them.
1. Keep things understated (especially in regards to
tongues.)
“Our tongues tangled and went to war in our locked mouths,
battling madly for dominance.”
No. Okay? Just no. The thought of my tongue
“tangling” with someone else’s is an image I would really
prefer to unsee, yet I have seen it and countless variants in both
published literature and fics.
Similarly, ask anyone whose ever had an unsolicited tongue jammed
down their throat: it’s not pleasant, and readers shouldn’t
be lead to believe it is.
My advice with kissing scenes is to focus predominantly on lips,
and maybe add a little tongue as an afterthought. Like so:
“His lips were warm and soft. They parted slightly,
allowing my tongue to slip inside.”
If you want something a bit more passionate:
“Our bodies pressed together heatedly against the wall,
breathing heavily as our lips pressed together. I could taste
our shared breath, feel the thud of our combined heartbeat as we
fumbled to take off one another’s clothes.”
You could even try, “His tongue pressed between parted
lips in ticklish kitten licks,” which, granted, sounds a
little awkward without context, but isn’t nearly as wince-worthy as
the image of it being jammed in like a tongue depressor.
Literally and metaphorically, tone down the tongue.
2. Don’t get overly floral about taste.
“Her lips tasted like peaches and honey.”
No, they didn’t. And her pussy didn’t taste like coconut
cream pie, either, or anything else your quintessential sub par male
author or pre-teen smut writer might dream up.
Unless she’s literally just been eating peaches and honey, or
she’s using some kind of fancy lubricant, her lips are going to
taste like lips, and her pussy is going to taste like pussy. Full
stop.
Granted, that isn’t very romantic, which is why I like to focus
on other sensations besides taste. For example:
“Her lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against my
own. I could feel the soft tickle of her breath beneath my
nose, fingers carding through her hair as we breathed each other in.”
I occasionally actually will have my characters be eating or
drinking something before hand, also, just to add an extra layer of
sensation play to the scene.
For example:
“His lips were still sweet with milk and honey from his
afternoon tea as Alexander kissed his husband goodbye.”
But my advice is keep these instances short and sweet: nothing
can kill the mood like a good dose of purple prose.
3. Focus on how the characters are feeling.
Here’s the thing: as I understand it, kissing someone you’re
not all that into at the moment is awkward.
You don’t know what to do with your hands, your hyper aware of
everything your body is doing, and you’re really concerned with how
you might taste. You’re also a lot more prone to noticing
unseemly things about your partner, like bad morning breath, bad
skin, weird grunting breathing, et cetera.
The same goes for writing: too much physicality can make a
kissing scene feel painfully awkward, whereas, just as in real life,
a good kiss will be one in which the best part is how your partner
makes you feel.
Focus on how your POV character is feeling, and add physical
details here and there to make the scene feel grounded:
“Warmth blossomed in Luna’s chest, sparks igniting as
Artemis leaned in close, lips brushing together, tentatively, for the
first time. The smell of her perfume, of the soft, peachy scent
of her conditioner, was dizzying, butterflies dancing in her stomach.
But warmth consumed her as she leaned into the kiss, Arty’s
lips impossibly soft against her own.”
I find this approach much more effective than describing each
motion in painstaking detail.
Bonus: Learn from the masters.
I don’t claim to be the paramount expert on writing, kissing, or
any combination of the two.
So without further ado, here are what are considered to be some of literature’s finest makeout scenes for your benefit and inspiration:
“It was like that. Almost the last thing I remember was
standing with Daisy and watching the moving-picture director and his
Star. They were still under the white-plum tree and their faces were
touching except for a pale, thin ray of moonlight between. It
occurred to me that he had been very slowly bending toward her all
evening to attain this proximity, and even while I watched I saw him
stoop one ultimate degree and kiss at her cheek.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
“I turned around and found her face, and her mouth was already waiting like a question. I’m not gonna make it out to be something that it wasn’t: It was perfect—Coley’s soft lips against the bite of the liquor and sugary Coke still on our tongues. She did more than just not stop me. She kissed me back.”
– Emily M. Danforth, The Miseducation of Cameron Post
“She drew him toward her with her eyes, he inclined his face toward hers and lay his mouth on her mouth, which was like a freshly split-open fig. For a long time he kissed Kamala, and Siddhartha was filled with deep astonishment as she taught him how wise she was, how she ruled him, put him off, lured him back… each one different from the other, still awaiting him. Breathing deeply, he remained standing and at this moment he was like a child astonished by the abundance of knowledge and things worth learning opening up before his eyes.”
– Hermanne Hesse, Siddhartha
“Cath closed the book and let it fall on Levi’s chest, not sure what happened next. Not sure she was awake, all things considered.The moment it fell he pulled her into him. Onto him. With both arms. Her chest pressed against his, and the paperback slid between their stomachs.
Cath’s eyes were half closed, and so were Levi’s and his lips only looked small from afar, she realized, because of their doll-like pucker. They were perfectly big, really, now that she had a good look at them. Perfectly something. He nudged his nose against hers, and their mouths fell sleepily together, already soft and open. When Cath’s eyes closed, her eyelids stuck. She wanted to open them. She wanted to get a better look at Levi’s too-dark eyebrows, she wanted to admire his crazy, vampire hairline—she had a feeling this was never going to happen again and that it might even ruin what was left of her life, so she wanted to open her eyes and bear some witness.
But she was so tired. And his mouth was so soft.And nobody had ever kissed Cath like this before. Only Abel had kissed her before, and that was like getting pushed squarely on the mouth and pushing back.
Levi’s kisses were all taking. Like he was drawing something out of her with soft little jabs of his chin. She brought her fingers up to his hair, and she couldn’t open her eyes.”
-Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl
ROMEO
If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
JULIET Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.
ROMEO Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
JULIET Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
ROMEO O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
JULIET Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.
ROMEO Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.
JULIET Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
ROMEO Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.
My clients are about 50/50 native and non-native English speakers, and non-native English speakers are pretty much the only ones who say “yes” when I ask them a question.
Native English speakers almost always say “yeah” or “sure”, unless it’s for emphasis. (“Is now a good time?” “Sure” vs “Is this your first baby?” “Yes he is!!”)
I’ve noticed that with yes and no. Both of those sound abrupt by themselves (“no” to a lesser extent than “yes”). “Did you do it?” “Yes”. To me, that would sound like someone who’s annoyed by the question, perhaps because it’s been asked repeatedly. For yes/no to work, they have to be followed by something else, like your example, or by a word like sir or ma’am.
I’ve reblogged a post like this before but I suspect this is an indication that the meanings of yes (and yeah) and no are actually changing – that English is undergoing a shift from a two-form affirmative-negative system to something else, such as an echo system (like Irish or Chinese uses) (except that in English we don’t have to repeat the whole verb, we can just use the auxiliary do).
I.e. this is why, I think, it’s so common for people to use “yeah, no” to deny something and “no, yeah, totally” to affirm something – “yeah” and “no” by themselves are too ambiguous, so we have to reinforce them by, for example, when we deny something, affirming the negative (“Yeah…”) and then denying the positive (“…no”), or when we affirm something, by denying the negative (“No…”) and then affirming the positive (“…yeah, totally!”). Maybe this kind of thing will stick around, or maybe it’ll shift to more of an echo system – I find myself saying “Yeah, I do” and “No, I don’t” a lot more than just the words “Yeah” and “No” by themselves.
This situation reminds me of how, when the Latin demonstratives were turning into articles, writers had to add additional decitic words to ille, illa, and illud in order to make their reference sufficiently specific – e.g. just “that man” by itself was starting to mean “the man”, so to mean “that man” they had to say things like “that aforementioned man” or “that particular man”.
Good tips for if your dialogue isn’t sounding realistic to your ear!
x: a variable used to represent something unknown.
We’ve seen an influx of questions about how to write stories based around characters of color, disability, non-binary, etc. when the author does not fall into these categories. Rather than have these posts take over the site, we’ve decided to compile a list of resources to help our fellow writers become more educated about writing what they do not immediately know. However, this list is not the end-all-be-all of knowledge; one should always try to learn from someone with first hand experience in any topic. The world is constantly growing and changing, and because of that, there will always be more to learn. The admins at Plotline Hotline want to help writers form respectful, informed, and realistic characters that broaden the narrow range we see in literature today.
*Be wary that some of the topics listed below contain sensitive material. Reader discretion is advised.*
As always, the links I found to be especially apt will be in bold. Topics are listed alphabetically, excepting the “other” section.
I hope that this list will provide topics a writer may not initially think to research when writing. If there are any resources that you think would be fitting for this list, please let us know! We want to have as many helpful sources as possible to maximize learning opportunities.
Sometimes you have to code characters, either because the terms they use to describe themselves don’t exist (like secondary world fantasy), or because they haven’t found the words themselves yet (undiagnosed illnesses and disabilities). But if at all possible, you should make it clear who these people are and own that you’re putting them in the story.
Even if you actively can say that somebody is part of a certain group, you still have to make sure you’re not -washing them in the narrative. Be it whitewashing, straightwashing, abledwashing, or any sort of situation where you say one thing, but the story itself doesn’t reflect that.
Here are some things to consider that will help you make it obvious that…
This character is PoC
Describe:
Skin tone (just don’t use food metaphors)
Hair texture/colour (especially black hair)
Most commonly eaten foods at home
Microaggressions
Cultural clues that they would have (either assimilated or not, because both will have tells)
Their opinion of white people/things outside of their experience
This character is LGBTQA+
Describe:
Who they’re attracted to (or lack thereof)/past crushes (or lack thereof)
Their circle of friends (seriously, we travel in packs, I know like five straight people)
For trans characters: hormones, binders, packers, breast forms, tucking. Also, for more subtle clues, pronoun asking, euphoria at gender affirming things (like them being proud of their particularly dapper, feminine, or ‘I have no idea what gender that is but I like it’ style), dislike of off-gender things (like complaining about somebody getting them something that doesn’t match how they like to present)
The actual orientation that they are, for crying out loud
Their opinion of straight people/things outside of their experience
This character is disabled
Describe:
Their disability. Preferably in the actual labels, or make up your own labels for a secondary world fantasy
Any mobility, hearing, or speaking aids
Behaviours that come with the disability (ie- stimming such as rocking or flapping for autistic/ADHD people, navigating through appropriately wide paths for wheelchairs/walkers, sitting on one side of the group conversations to make sure their good ear catches it, etc)
Levels of aid needed and any accommodations
Avoiding things that trip them up (like somebody autistic not wanting to go where it’s crowded, a wheelchair user avoiding curbs, a Deaf person making sure there’s a sign language interpreter at a concert, somebody with celiac avoiding gluten like the plague)
Plan cancelling because it’s a bad day, or having to leave early because the environment is bad
Medications, doctors, etc, if applicable
Self care rituals for after a long day or during a flare up
Their opinion of abled people/things outside of their experience
This character is mentally/chronically ill
Describe:
Their symptoms, from good to messy, consistently
Their energy levels, as many of us use the spoon theory
Self care rituals they practice during flare ups or after hard days
Medication, doctors, therapies, etc
Cancelling plans because a bad day came up, or having to leave early because the environment is bad
Triggers and their individual reaction to their triggers
Their opinion of well people/things outside of their experience
And so on. These lists are not meant to be exhaustive at all, but they are meant to get you thinking about how you need to go about describing representation.
One thing to note: you can go about establishing representation in one of two ways. Either have the characters noting their differences, or them nothing others’ differences. Neil Gaiman’s Anansi Boys describes white skin when it appears, because within the narrator’s world, black skin is the norm. But others note their own differences. It’s all about their character.
Either one requires a lot of careful thought and sensitivity readers, but both are valid* options for owning** representation.
Followers, feel free to add more!
*Do be aware that some groups are chronically under-represented when it comes to the actual word of their identity. Bisexual people hardly have characters say the word as their identity. Autistic people also hardly have characters say the word as their identity. Be very careful of not having characters talk about themselves if the group is prone to being coded but not explicitly represented
**You have to actually own it and say they’re that when people put all the clues you left together
Thanks for reading! If you liked this content, please consider supporting me on patreon. It’ll get you access to a bunch of cool stuff!
Authonomy It’s been a while since I used this website in particular, but it’s useful for helpful critique and to get your original works out there. If your book get on the top five list at the end of the month Harper Collins will read it for possible publication.
How to write Funeral Directors I’ve read quite a few fanfics where they just have funeral directors slapping clothes on a body and calling it a day. As a former funeral services major I can tell you that’s not the only thing they do.
i dont want girls sexualising mlm relationships anymore. at all
i dont want them fetishizing our relationships bc they think it’s sexy
i dont care if its a “way for them to express their sexuality”. that aint right and its messed that they can say that they want men in the porn industry to stop fetishizing wlw relationships, only to do the same bc its “fandom”
can yall please reblog this actually ??
bc like. im a boy attracted to boys. and this is making me uncomfortable and i want it to stop
and im not the only one ? a handful of people have agreed with me and im sure there are more
please dont ignore this bc you want to keep writing/drawing/reading m/m porn…. or bc im a boy and you dont care what i have to say….. especially if you disagree with the treatment of wlw in the porn industry its a double standard and this is important to me and i dont want it to be swept under the rug
Add on: you can still write, draw and read about mlm without fetishizing them. By fetishization, OP means that you only see these relationships as sexy and sinful instead of just seeing it as average everyday relationships.
Nearly every girl I’ve met within fandoms with mlm ships has only focused on the men having sex or calling them ‘my nasty gay babies’ and that’s just gross.
We’re all writers here so I thought it important that y’all see this and take note.
Headcanonsandmore 