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Harry Potter fandom blog. Posting headcanons, fanfiction, discourse, and other fandom stuff.
Luna: You know, women are a lot like spaghetti.
Ginny: You mean; straight until they get wet?
Luna: No…
Ginny: They taste great when you eat them?
Luna: No; what are you talking about? It’s because women are pretty and comforting.
Ron: (groaning) Ginny, please stop dirtying the mind of your innocent girlfriend…
(Also, I like having an excuse of putting a photo of her in a post, so that @justsaya and @gaylittlepieceofsh1t will start swooning, because I know they fancy Evanna just as much as I do…)
@leftennant and I were just bemoaning the lack of rom coms out there in Hollywood and how it’s probably stimmying the careers of certain actors who would kill it in that niche.
This seems like such low hanging fruit being ignored. With relatively low budgets you can afford the occasional failure compared to the thud Justice League just made. If you picked a random group of ten women and asked them to brainstorm ideas they’d come up with solid ideas to be spun into box office gold.
Per example:
Kat Dennings is the quirky girl trekking across New Zealand following her lifelong love of all things Tolkein. She meets Chris Evans and dismisses him as a frat bro, but it’s love at first sight for him. Can he persuade her he’s the real deal?
Of course he can. I’m still buying a ticket to this.
Hayley Atwell has to resist the charms of Sebastian Stan for 30 days to win a million dollars. But if he can persuade her to kiss him, he wins the million dollars. Who’s going to win? Can she resist him?
Who gives a fuck, we know there’s going to be a kiss and they’ll split the money, just take my money already.
Daisy Ridley and Tessa Thompson are stranded in an airport during a blizzard and have nothing to do but get to know each other.
I don’t even need you to tell me the plot of this one, because I already booked my seat.
Tell me Tumblr–what rom com ideas would you like to see and who would star in them?
America Ferrera needs a date to her family’s insane holiday party, so she puts out an ad on Craigslist for a bad boyfriend, so they’ll never ask her about him again. Tom Hardy is the bad boy she hires. Only, he’s actually pretty sweet.
–
Marisa Tomei is doing great as a single mom. She just closed a huge deal at her job, and her kid is surprisingly chill for a teenager, from what she’s read. Enter: her ex, Gerard Butler, freshly transferred back to NYC from London, and still in love with her. Can she admit she’s still in love with him?
–
Matt Bomer hates visiting Middle America on his book tours, even though he loves his fans. That is, until he attends a panel discussion where the moderator is local celebrity writer, Channing Tatum.
I was talking about having them do a remake of Harry met Sally but with Melissa McCarthy as Harry and Mindy Kaling as Sally.
mads mikkelson: contemporary incarnation of aphrodite.
Idris Elba does yoga in very small shorts. No one cares about the plot.
Alternatively: Mads Mikkelson and Idris Elba. Something something…IDK we’re all going to watch it, aren’t we?
And this addition from @anais-ninja-blog which Tumbles is trying to eat:
Ewan MacGregor as the drama teacher at a private school in Manhattan who is feuding with but secretly pines for Chiwetel Ejiofor, the music teacher. Their school is undergoing a shift in curricula and there’s debate on the place of the arts, will they save their programs? Will they get together in the end? We all KNOW the answer is yes, but don’t you want to see it happen regardless?
Nicole Beharie and Tom Mison as bounty hunters after the same target. They have completely different styles and end up teaming up to bring their quarry down. Will they learn to get along, even fall in love?
I mean, did you see the chemistry they had together in Sleepy Hollow?
Aubrey Plaza inherits her free-spirited grandmother’s ‘67 Mustang. Eager for a change of scenery after a gnarly break up, she travels cross-country to pick it up and drive it home.
She gets more than she bargained for when she discovers that it’s haunted by Grandma’s ghost (Ellen Burstyn) and Grandma won’t rest until she gets her granddaughter some action.
When Grandma still hasn’t passed over, they set out for the Grand Canyon on the road trip of her dreams. A flat tire and a mysterious but helpful hitchhiker (Jason Momoa) later and something, something romance.
Working title: Granny’s Last Gas.
A successful attorney (Taraji P. Henson) wins surfing lessons in a charity raffle and after everyone she knows agrees that she could never do it, she decides that she’s got to learn.
Her instructor’s a washed up pro (Chris Hemsworth) with a fear of water after taking on more wave than he could handle in a catastrophe that nearly cost him everything.
After she’s challenged by a group of local punks to compete in an upcoming contest, Chris decides to face his fears and commits to helping her win.
They discover that they have more in common than they expected as her determination helps him to fall in love with surfing all over again.
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds in a remake (again) of the Parent Trap.
–
Donald Glover is a bored, jaded former-wunderkind. Zoe Saldanais the enforcer sent to rough him up for using his skills against a mob-run casino. She completes her “errand,” but when he’s in the hospital, recovering, someone starts sending him complex math puzzles. The puzzles form a message.
–
Washed-up rock star Lee Pace has done everything, seen everything, fucked everything. His manager despairs, and begs him to attend a retreat in Sonoma, California. He goes to Sonoma, but never makes it to the retreat once he meets gregarious, no-nonsense pâtissier, Colin Farrell, and his irascible veterinarian wife, Julia Styles.
–
Michele Pfeiffer is a witch who accidentally gives a customer’s love potion to her downstairs neighbor, Michael Keaton. She doesn’t know that her apprentice, Saorise Ronan, messed up the batch, and it was a dud. Now he’s wooing her, and she thinks it’s all fake (except it’s totally working).
Paul Rudd and Ryan Reynolds play two hotshot detectives who hooked up at last year’s Christmas party. They swore that it would only happen once and that they’d keep things casual. Now that they’ve landed the case of their careers, they’ll have to work together and keep things professional or risk losing it all.
Rosario Dawson is a high-powered lawyer who doesn’t know when to take a break. After a health scare, her boss orders her to find a way to de-stress. She resents it, but when she meets doctor Lupita Nyong-o in her yoga class, she’s a little less resentful. Can they find room in their lives for love?
Betty White is an eccentric wealthy lady with no heirs. After her lawyer (Anne Hathaway) refuses to be her heir -“It would be totally unethical and unprofessional, Ms Holloway”-, she picks a random name from a phone book.
Since phone books aren’t a thing since 80′s, the person chosen is Aldis Hodge’s granma (Nichelle Nichols). He is a social activist (#blacklivesmatter #OccupyWallStreet) so he is not exactly happy being now part of the 1%.
Shenanigans ensue when the old ladies decide to play matchmakers.
(At some point we have Robbie Williams singing Everlasting Love accompanied by New York Philharmonic Orchestra on Central Park)
I think my favourite things about this post are all the different gender pairings, and all the different age pairings
Also, can someone link those posts about Dwayne Jonson and Vin Diesel the bakers / florists?
buddy cop movie with hayley atwell and idris elba as unlikely partners and dwayne the rock johnson AND Vin Diesel as the bakery owners who witnesses a violent crime in the alley behind hisTHEIR shop and have to be protected (OP source)
All of these are better than anything Hollywood has produced in years
Betty White and Nichelle Nichols as matchmaking grandmas? I… I didn’t know how much I needed to see this.
HOW has no one yet asked for Oscar Isaac as the tender, earnest star pastry chef who’s come home to Brooklyn after some kind of unspecified personal melodrama and decides to open a bakery employing local at-risk youth, catching the eye of down-on-her-romantic-luck human interest reporter slash blogger who recently weathered a melodrama of her own (possibly causing an intense rivalry with her ex, Melissa Fumero), Lupita Nyong’o?
I’d like to suggest the addendum, “Betty White and Nichelle Nichols as matchmaking grandmas WHO THEMSELVES FALL IN LOVE.”
omg ys pls
one of these days i need to finish my romance novel about a showrunner falling for the Canadian love interest best known for being allergic to shirts that the female lead of her TV series (who is also her college roommate) insists they add to their hit series (about a former insurance investigator married to a former cat burgler and together they fight crime) which is a successful spin-off from a successful spin-off because she’s a) bored and b) just got a producer credit and the show’s 100th episode is hurtling toward them at speed.
picture Tina Fey meeting cute Chris Evans on the studio lot tour only to find out he’s the network’s pick for Mía Maestro’s sexy new police contact because Matt Bomer who plays her husband is preoccupied with the adoption he and his husband are in the middle of.
Ohshit, I was just reading an entry on Reddit, about how the OP wanted to see a genderbent version of “Romancing the Stone,” with Hiddleston as the sniffly genre writer, and Tessa Thompson as the adventurer. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, indeed!
(Not sure if this is open to everyone, but here goes nonetheless)
Confectioner-and-baker Rupert Grint is struggling to keep his business afloat. Whilst delivering a cake to a wedding, he runs into wedding-planner Anne Hathaway, whose no-nonsense approach to life contrasts with Rupert’s more relaxed personality.
At first they don’t get along due to their conflicting personalities, but, after being contracted to work the same event, they begin to bond over a mutual love of food, and open up to each-other slowly over time.
Evanna Lynch co-stars as Rupert’s half-sister who randomly sings ‘A Very Potter Musical’ song numbers. Daniel Radcliffe appears for twenty seconds as a random extra who snogs Rupert, before declaring ‘Rarry for the win’ and running off giggling.
The ending of the film is a climatic show-down at ‘the Great British Bake-off’, ending in a massive food-fight. The sound-track is almost entirely made up of Queen and Freddie Mercury.
“Least loved, always, by the mother who craved a daughter … Least loved, now, by the girl who prefers your friend … Second best, always, eternally overshadowed … ”
LEAST LOVED BY JK ROWLING
My poor ginger baby…. you’re too good for that Rowling woman….
Lee Jordan: Hello all and welcome to the new series of Potterwatch. I’m your host, River. We have decided to continue Potterwatch to ensure, with the help of our listeners, that Harry Potter never forgets how bloody famous he his. We will introduce you to our new correspondents, but first, an update on the man we here at Potterwatch like to call ‘The Dork Lord’. He is still dead. 93 days and counting. And now, I’d like to introduce you to our first new correspondent, Red Hot.
Angelina Johnson: Hello River.
Lee: Hiya Red Hot. What have you got for us today?
Angelina: Well I’ve been keeping track of Harry Potters Quidditch form, as no British teams participated in the World Cup this year and I got bored.
Lee: And? How has Griffindor’s former star-seeker been performing?
Angelina: Pretty poorly to be honest River. I saw him play several games at the Weasley residence with my colleague Oliver Wood. He got hit by eight bludgers, superbly directed by Weasley and Weasley. His attempted to play chaser and all his shots were blocked by Weasley, and he only caught the snitch because the opposing seeker, Weasley, had never played before.
Lee: How disappointing. Any other developments?
Angelina: unfortunately not, as the mother of the Weasley players, Mrs Weasley, caught me and Wood in the tree we were hiding in, and, thinking we were escaped death eaters, transfigured Wood into a small hamster. Luckily I intervened and, upon recognising me, she apologised and invited us for dinner.
Lee: what a happy ending. Thank you Red Hot. And now, before our ‘other news’ segment, I would like to thank our sponsor, Weasley’s Wizard Wheeze’s. And now, with other, non-Potter news, Rapier.
George Weasley: Hey L…River
Lee: Rapier, what’s happening in the world beyond Harry Potter.
George: Well River, first I have it on good authority that Teddy Lupin, son of the war hero’s Remus Lupin and Tonks, has used the potty for the first time, in a manner that can only be described that of a true Griffindor, and is a very good boy and got a chocolate frog from his grandmother.
Lee: Excellent, truly a hero like his parents.
George: Indeed. Next up, the trial of Dolores Umbridge, war criminal and professional toad look alike has entered its 8th day. Umbridge is on trial for a myriad of charges, although my attempts to get ‘crimes against fashion’ added to the list of charges fell on deaf ears.
Lee: well when you’re minister Rapier I’m sure it will be swiftly added to the law books.
George: here’s hoping. Umbridge has had attempted murder added to the charges however, after she stole a security wizards wand and attempted to kill Minister Shacklebolt. She was promptly hit by curses and hexes from 7 members of Dumbledores army who were in attendance and ended up in St mungos. Handsome and wealthy bachelor George Weasley was also admitted for what some thought was a backfiring cheering charm but in actual fact was because he found it so damn funny.
Lee: I hear charismatic and good looking radio personality Lee Jordan performed a textbook Jelly Legs Jinx. Is that true Rapier?
George: It sure is River. Lastly the statue of Albus Dumbledore is scheduled to be unveiled in Godrics hollow next week. The great and the good of the wizarding world will be there to heat speeches by Shacklebolt, Potter and Eliphias Doge. The inclusion of Mrs N and Master D Malfoy on the guest list raised some eyebrows, and I hope those slimeballs don’t show their greasy heads. Also if you are attending, don’t sit next to Hagrid unless you have an umbrella. Last time he cried 8 flobberworms drowned.
Lee: thank you Rapier. And finally, we would like to introduce a man who knows Harry Potter better than anyone alive. Please join me in welcoming…Roonil.
Harry: Thank you for having me. Big fan of the show.
Lee: Well thank you Roonil. So my first question, are the rumours true that Harry Potter was last night admitted to a muggle hospital of all places. Is the boy who lives about to become the boy who died?
Harry: no River. Whilst it is true he arrived at the muggle hospital, it’s in fact because he drank a little too much and tripped over a certain bloody cat belonging to his friend Hermione. They had all drunk a bit too much to effectively repair the damage magically and so staggered to the muggle hospital. It was in fact a sprained ankle.
Lee: you heard it here first folks. Harry Potter, dangerous and drunk? Next, we hear Harry has been seeing a lot of his godson, champion potty user, Teddy Lupin. How is the baby Roonil?
Harry: Teddy is doing very well thanks River. I…that is to say Potter, has been seeing a lot of the wee fellow. I have some pictures.
*rustling sound followed by several seconds of silence*
Lee: Roonil, these all appear to be different babies.
Harry: ah you see that’s because Teddy, like his mother is a metamorphmagus.
Lee: ah I see. And it seems young Mr Lupin has a world famous Weasley Jumper with a little T on it.
Harry: yes indeed, Molly has been on a bit of a knitting spee of late.
Lee: Truly a wonderful woman. And lastly can you comment on the rumours spread by Rita Skeeter than Potter has several illegitimate children fathered during his time on the run last year?
Harry. That is completely accurate River. His children Elvendork, Vernon, Marvolo and Roonil jr will all be coming to live with him and his new live in partner, Buckbeak the Hippogriff, in the coming days.
Lee: how wonderful for him. Thank you Roonil.
Harry: Anytime River.
Lee: Well that’s all for this time. Join me again on Potterwatch, where the password will be Seeker. I’ve been River, goodnight.
So this is coming from a conversation I was having with a friend just now. I’m not telling you who cause that’s personal but a topic came up that I really really really need to talk about.
Please please please for the love of god if your kid comes to you and tells you they are upset do nottell them to “deal with it” or “Suck it up” cause that makes them feel like what their feeling doesn’t matter to you and might cause them to not want to come to you about anything.
If you hear your kid crying don’t open the door and stand in the doorway and ask them what their problem is. Don’t stand there with a hand on your hip and look at them impatiently. Don’t tell them you’re not leaving until they tell you their problem cause that makes them feel pressured and nobody likes feeling pressured especially if they’re already upset to begin with. They will come to you when they’re ready to and yes it may take a while but they will.
I’ve been in this situation many times where I had my mom stand in my doorway and do the exact same thing and I can tell you it’s not comforting or helpful at all. I understand that most parents/guardians may feel like they’re helping but standing at a distance and looking at them impatiently with an annoyed tone doesn’t do shit. Hell my mom would start counting down if I wouldn’t tell her and that sure as hell didn’t help at all.
Never tell your kid to deal with something or to suck it up cause that makes them feel like they can’t come to you about something that’s truly bothering them.
If your kid comes to you with a problem don’t you dare say “Deal with it” don’t you dare say “That’s just the way life is” because yes it may be the way life is but that does not mean you can ignore their problem and brush it off.
If your kid comes to you excited about something don’t tease them about it. Don’t mock them, don’t make fun of them in anyway.
“Oh but we’re family we’re allowed to tease each other” yes, but only every now and then. If you’re constantly teasing and making fun of your kid or even your sibling for liking something you’re no longer just teasing and you’re just being an asshole.
“He’s your brother, he’s just doing it to get a reaction from you” that doesn’t mean it’s still okay. Again, every now and then is fine. But if it’s all the time? Fucking stop. Even if you are related it doesn’t mean you have special privilege to be an asshole.
“If you give them a reaction you’re just letting them win” How about instead of teaching people not to react when they’re being harassed you fucking teach people not to harass others. Telling someone to ignore someone because “Reacting gives them power” is bullshit and can actually make the tormentor angry and hurt them more and may even lead up to physical harassment if it hasn’t already.
“You can’t change how they are. You can only change how you act about it.” I was told this recently when a guy was (and still is) harassing and borderline stalking me and my friends and I get what they’re trying to say, but at the same time they are only encouraging him to continue it. They have done nothing to stop it except tell us repeatedly to ignore him but news flash IGNORING THE PROBLEM WON’T MAKE IT GO AWAY.
People, especially older ones, need to understand the fact that just because it may have worked for some people doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. Not everybody is going through the same thing. Not everybody has the same mindset.
If your kid tells you that they have a mental problem don’t tell them “You’re too young to have that problem” don’t say “That’s not something you want to label yourself as” or “I don’t know why you think that because I have given you everything you’ve wanted and needed” you wouldn’t believe often I’ve heard people say that one. Don’t say “You don’t know true pain unless you’re an adult” Don’t say “Yeah? Well this happened to me and I managed to survive”
Just because someone broke their arm doesn’t mean you should have to deal with pain in your wrist.
Please please please if your kid comes to you with a problem don’t brush them off. Don’t tell them to ignore it. Don’t try to make them feel like shit and make them feel weak for feeling the way they do because I can assure you it’s very damaging and can affect them in the long run.
The same thing goes for adults who have had to grow up with that type of treatment and are still suffering even now.
What may not mean much to you may mean a lot to them.
And if there is anyone who reads this and has been through the same thing or something similar. I am so sorry and I want you to know that not only do I care about you so much but so do other people even if you don’t believe it.