ok so, for people who have seen the LOTR films but not read the book I’d like to share some things that are 100% canon:
– Sam Gamgee uses the word ‘boner’. In a song. Several times.
– he also writes a poem that contains the phrase ‘golden showers’. (this is actually in the extended cut but they changed it to ‘silver showers’)
– at one point after he’s defeated Saruman steals Merry’s weed & runs away
– Denethor has actual mindreading powers
– so does Faramir (but he’s a nice person so they manifest more as heightened empathy)
– Gandalf ALSO has mindreading powers but for entirely different reasons. he reads Frodo’s mind while he’s sleeping at one point, casually reveals this to Frodo, and Frodo’s just like ‘huh neat’
– rather than bravely drawing the orcs away from Frodo like in the film, in the book Merry and Pippin just kind of, panic, bolt into the woods, and run directly into the orcs’ arms.
– Merry then draws his sword and hacks a bunch of orc hands off
– Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli name themselves ‘the three hunters’ before setting off to rescue Merry and Pippin because they are dorks
– they also improvise a whole song about how much they loved Boromir
– Aragorn does not initially tell the hobbits he’s a friend of Gandalf bcos he wanted them to like him for who he is. im not kidding. he openly admits to this.
– i feel like this is fairly well known but, if you didn’t know Frodo is 50 years old and looks 33
– hobbits PROBABLY age different to humans so looking 33 in practice means he looks about 21
– in accordance with the above Pippin is the equivalent of a 16-17 year old human
– Pippin can pass for a human child and looks like ‘a boy of nine summers’
– this isn’t that weird i just think it’s really cute: Pippin has 3 older sisters and their names are Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca.
– Sam & Rosie have 13 children. One of them is called Goldilocks.
– Frodo has another best friend. His name is Fatty. He stayed behind in the Shire to cover for Frodo’s absence and ends up getting jailed for months by Saruman’s forces.
– Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, who steals spoons, is also jailed by Saruman. (She whacked one of his goons with an umbrella.)
– Grima Wormtongue MAY have eaten an entire hobbit
– Saruman invades the Shire and turns it into a communist hell police state.
– the whole Tom Bombadil thing is common knowledge but if you haven’t read the book i guarantee you he is weirder than you think.
– to give just 2 examples: 1) the whole tom bombadil arc provides the explanation as to how Eowyn and Merry were able to dispatch the Witch King
– and 2) for unknown reasons sleeping in his house causes everyone to have horrible nightmares… EXCEPT for Sam who has a peaceful and dreamless night. no explanation offered for any of this.
considering that Pippin’s dad is named Paladin, you fucking know he claimed the right to name each and every one of his children and his poor wife just begged him to choose a different letter to start with
also aragorn openly admitting to being fucking lonely and just wanting friends is treated like a weirdly funny joke in the book by the way that some of the hobbits react to it, and frodo also proceeds very soon after to basically tell aragorn that he’s pretty foul-looking but seems a good guy
yes to the above & a small correction + one i forgot:
– Merry does in fact gift Saruman the weed. It’s the bag it’s in that Saruman steals and runs off with. (also give that Merry stole the weed from Saruman’s personal supply in the first place i can’t say i blame him)
– Aragorn literally has magical healing powers. i don’t think they ever explain this in the films but he does very much have healing powers.
– the Ents are able to tear down the entire wall around Isengard, but can for whatever reason not make a single dent in the tower of Orthanc itself
– several riders knew that Merry was there and coming with them to the fields of Pelennor even though he was forbidden to do so, and they just sort of shrug and don’t tell the king
– GOD Merry and the riders: they don’t just shrug they straight up act like he isn’t there. to the point where if he talks they just pretend like they don’t hear him. this hurts his feelings.
– Merry doesn’t recognise Eowyn until she reveals herself to the witch-king. it could be that her disguise is just that good but Eowyn herself seems to be kind of surprised that he doesn’t recognise her so it’s possible he’s just a dumbass.
– Pippin goes all in for a suicide mission at the Black Gate because he thinks that Frodo and Sam are captured and/or dead and everything is lost anyway, so he just decides that if he’s going to die, he’s going to die fighting, and then he almost gets squashed by a troll
– Gimli found Pippin underneath said troll after the battle, only because Pippin’s fucking foot was sticking out, and probably had a bit of a panicky moment while he was MOVING the troll to drag Pippin out of there
– i can’t believe i forgot about the troll: Pippin single-handedly slays a troll & then its body falls on him and he’s just lying there like ‘well i guess this is how i die’
– Gimli 100% thought pippin was dead when he found him and was so distraught he almost ripped his beard out
– There’s also Aragorn making the Mouth of Sauron flee with terror because he glared at him. Not a joke. (An argument can be made here for Aragorn having psychic powers)
Or intimidation proficiency
If I may add…
– Legolas falling out of a tree and screaming.
– Legolas dropping hie bow. And screaming.
– Legolas just screamed. A lot.
– Legolas singing a song that he only knew half of.
– “Do what you will in your madness but I wish to see no eyes!”
– Legolas straight up walking away after a battle and singing
– Legolas sneaking Gimli into Valinor like contraband Twizzlers into the movie theater.
– everybody rags on Frodo for being a dumbass at the Prancing Pony, but listen, Merry knew they were on a top secret mission carrying the Ring and that the forces of Sauron were actively searching for them and not far away and he still decided it would be a good idea to just go out for awalk, at night in a strange city, all by himself, just because he fucking felt like some fresh air
Ok TO BE FAIR to Merry, unlike the others he hadn’t actually SEEN the Nazgul at this point (just glimpsed one from the other side of the river) and as a result doesn’t understand just how much danger they’re in.
I found my copy of the books a few days ago… might be time for a reread…
don’t forget when saruman went evil and told gandalf he promoted himself from saruman the white to “saruman of many colours” gandalf was like “but i liked white better”,,,,,he legit said that that was his rebuttal
Ok but what about when legolas, gimli and Aragorn are tracking merry and pippin and legolas just watches as Aragorn rolls around in the fucking dirt and when he’s like “there are a lot of riders on horses coming this way!!” legolas is basically like, yea I know I’ve seen them for awhile there are 105 and their leader is tall LEGOLAS
I want men to try and imagine going about your day–working, running, hiking, whatever–and not being allowed to wear pants under threats of violence or total social and economic exclusion.
That’s the kind of irrationally violent and controlling behaviour women have been up against.
Also for anyone who thinks it’s easy for women to be gender non conforming because we can wear pants.
The only reason we can is because we fought tooth and nail for the right to! Any rights we take for granted today we’re the result of a prolonged, bitter battle fought by our predecessors for every inch of territory gained. Never forget that.
Title IX (1972) declared that girls could not be required to wear skirts to school.
Women who were United States senators were not allowed to wear trousers on the Senate floor until 1993, after senators Barbara Mikulski and Carol Moseley Braun wore them in protest, which encouraged female staff members to do likewise.
This was never given to us. Women have had to fight just to be able to wear pants. Women who are still alive remember having to wear skirts to school, even in the dead of winter, when it was so cold that just having a layer of tights between them and the elements was downright dangerous. Women who remember not even being allowed to wear pants under their skirts, for no other reason than they were female.
So don’t talk about women wearing pants being gender nonconforming like it’s easy. It’s only less difficult now because your foremothers refused to comply.
My mother spent her entire school career up until high school having to wear skirts, no matter how horrible the New England winters got, because she was forbidden to do otherwise. There were times when the weather was bad where my grandmother kept her home rather than make her walk to and from the bus in a skirt.
They rebroadcast a few old interviews with Mary Tyler Moore, and in them she addressed the pants issue. There was a strict limit on what kind of pants she could wear (hence, always Capri pants, nothing masculine), and to use her words, how much cupping the pants could show. A censor would look at every outfit when she came out on stage, and if the pants cupped her buttocks too much, defining them rather than hiding them, then she had to get another pair.
My mom got sent home from school when she was 8 years old for wearing a pair of shorts under her skirt. She wore them because she didn’t want to show her underwear when she was playing on the jungle gym.
The principle explained to my grandmother that if she was old enough to worry about showing her panties then she was too old to be playing on the jungle gym and had to start acting more like a lady.
My GNC aunt had to be forced to wear skirts right up until the second she was old enough to join the navy and then spent the rest of her life wearing the baggiest pants she could find. The reason she thought the military was her only viable option was because she had terrible grades through high school because she kept getting sent home for wearing shorts under her skirts.
My mum both fought to wear trousers and to wear the miniskirt. Ironically, of the two, trousers were the bigger fight.
Many of the women in this generation now sneer at feminism. I don’t understand how you can see such a huge positive change in your own lifetime and think social justice is a joke.
People always undervalue what they never had to fight for themselves. And even the right to wear pants is not over by any means.
From June 30, 2017:
Women who work at Mormon headquarters in Salt Lake City will be allowed to wear pantsuits and dress slacks instead of only skirts or dresses, the church announced this week, in a move that one Mormon women’s group called a step in the right direction.
The church last year began allowing female missionaries to wear dress pants in parts of the world with mosquito-borne diseases.
I was in middle school in the early 2000s and we were required to wear skirts, in New England weather. I got windburn on my knees, I had to walk to school in a skirt in freezing weather. It’s still an issue, schools deliberately ignore the ruling because “We keep them inside if it’s less than 30 degrees” but that doesn’t stop you from fucking freezing on the way to school, nor the way back.
I was on a softball team in the 2000s, and the school wouldn’t let us wear trousers. We had to wear shorts. We also were not allowed to wear any sort of leg protection UNDER the shorts. So guess what happened when we had to slide into home plate? Some ‘A League of their own’ type bullshit
The male baseball team? All in trousers. They could slide without putting the skin of their legs in danger. We lost one of our best players that season, because her leg was so mangled she could barely walk after a bad slide.
People don’t often look back on the early 1900’s for advice, but what if we could actually learn something from the Lost Generation? The New York Public Library has digitized 100 “how to do it” cards found in cigarette boxes over 100 years ago, and the tips they give are so practical that millennials reading this might want to take notes.
Back in the day, cigarette cards were popular collectibles included in every pack, and displayed photos of celebrities, advertisements, and more. Gallaher cigarettes, a UK-founded tobacco company that was once the largest in the world, decided to print a series of helpful how-to’s on their cards, which ranged from mundane tasks (boiling potatoes) to unlikely scenarios (stopping a runaway horse). Most of them are insanely clever, though, like how to make a fire extinguisher at home. Who even knew you could do that?
The entire set of life hacks is now part of the NYPL’s George Arents Collection. Check out some of the cleverest ones we could find below. You never know when you’ll have to clean real lace!
The ‘How to cut bread’ hack is the same one you should use on cakes. Have a pitcher of boiling hot water- soak knife in it- wipe it clean of water- then you can slice the cake/icing perfectly with little to no crumbs! I like to have two knives, so that while one is heating, I can use the other freshly heated one.
Also, you can use cupcake liners to go under cake slices (flatten liner, put triangular cake slice on top, then wrap the edges of cupcake liner up onto the cake slice.) Then you can take all your cut slices and put them back in a circle- making it easy to immediately dole out the already sliced cake at a party or bake sale.
Harry Potter, the son
of two members of one of the greatest bands of the late seventies ‘The
Marauders’, is enrolled at Hogwarts Academy of Music and The Arts at the age of
sixteen.
On the train ride to
the campus, he meets Ron Weasley, the latest in a long line of talented
musicians from a large but poor family; who wants to emerge out of his brothers’
shadows. The two young men strike up an immediate friendship, and begin jamming
on their acoustic guitars, coming up with the song ‘Turn This Fat Rat Yellow’
(about a dream Ron had about his pet rat).
The noise attracts the
attention of three young men, all from privileged backgrounds- Draco Malfoy,
Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. However, the upper-class intruders are not
interested in joining them in song, and instead begin to poke fun at the two
boys’ banged-up guitars. They only leave when Harry and Ron threaten to smash
the guitars over their heads, The-Who-Style.
The scuffling brings
their carriage to the attention of one Hermione Granger, a child prodigy from a
non-musical family. She talks about how much she loves The Marauders, and Harry
strikes up a tentative friendship with her. However, Ron is irritated by her
tendency to be a know-it-all, as well as her questioning his musical ability.
As luck would have it, on
arriving at the academy, the three of them are sorted in the ‘Gryffindor’
house, which encourages musical tenacity and bravery. The three young men from
the train, however, are sorted into the ‘Slytherin’ house, which encourages shrewd
musicianship and cunning musical knowledge.
Whispers follow Harry
from his first day at the academy, as The Marauders are still well-respected and
placed in high-regard across all the houses. However, his more pressing concern
is for his friend Ron, who is constantly taunted about his lack of wealth by
the other students. Ron is also getting sick of being upstaged constantly by
Hermione, who is praised by the teachers and is being called ‘the greatest
musician of the age’.
However, during the
Halloween performance, Hermione goes missing shortly before her big solo. Ron
and Harry discover her crying in the toilets, having been subjected to bullying
from other students. While Harry wields his guitar like a weapon at the
bullies, Ron gets Hermione out of the bathroom and into a quiet room. To calm
her down, he begins ad-libbing her a song called ‘She’s a nightmare’. Hermione
stops crying, and begins to feel better. A slight blush appears on her cheeks,
and Ron tries not to stare at her too much, because it is suddenly really embarrassing singing to her.
Ron and Harry nudge
Hermione gently onto the stage for her solo, and she delivers a blistering performance
that brings the house down. Afterwards, the three of them become firm friends.
Later on that year, the
three of them plan to go to the Edinburgh Festival, and showcase their talents.
However, The Marauders’ guitar player is urgently taken ill at the festival,
and Harry has to step to help his parents. After watching Ron and Hermione on
stage together during his lunch break, Harry realises how great the two of them
sound, and how much fun they have playing with each-other. Harry pens the song ‘They’ve
had the time of their lives’ to remind himself of this, although Ron and
Hermione didn’t know he was watching them.
After a brief summer
break, the three of them return to Hogwarts Academy for their second year.
Hermione finds herself increasingly under pressure as the top student in the
year, and finds it difficult to keep on top of her studies. After being pursued
romantically by the visiting classical pianist Viktor Krum, Hermione finds
herself at loggerheads with Ron. After a long protracted argument, Ron pens the
song ‘You are a girl’ to attempt to patch things up.
However, Hermione is
not impressed, and, after Ron accidentally lets slip that he’d never thought of
her dating anyone (possibly due to his own confused feelings towards her), she
writes the diss track ‘Emotional range of a teaspoon’. When Hermione first
performs the track (eyes streaming with angry tears), Ron storms out of the
room, looking very hurt. Harry finds himself
splitting his time between his two friends.
Harry’s main solace
from the drama of his two friends is jamming in his off time with Ron’s younger
sister Ginny, who shares his non-conformist attitudes to music genre. They
briefly form a jazz fusion band with the free-spirited Luna Lovegood and the
quiet-but-dedicated Neville Longbottom.
Meanwhile, Ron is
selected to perform as the top-of-the-bill in a duo with Hermione. During their
rehearsals, both of them begin to regret their previous disagreements, and
remember how much fun they had playing at the Edinburgh Festival.
On the night of the
concert, Ron’s self-doubts resurface, and Hermione finds him sobbing in the
toilets. Hermione calms his down by ad-libbing a sweet song she, which Ron
joins in with when she runs out of lyrics. Feeling better, Ron returns to the
concert with Hermione just in time. As the closing number, they perform the
song they were singing earlier, which they name ‘Now or never’. At the very
climax of the song, Hermione throws her arms around Ron’s neck and kisses him
full on the mouth. The concert hall erupts in applause, and Ron sweeps Hermione
off her feet as he kisses her back.
The three friends
graduate with flying colours at the end of the year (Harry’s collective
jazz-fusion piece earning him acclaim from the entire school). The three of
them go on to form a song-writing and musical partnership that becomes one of
the most successful and highly-praised in the world, surpassing both The
Marauders, as well as the Weasley family (and both families are absolutely thrilled
about it).
In the annuls of music
history, the three friends are forever remembered as ‘The Golden Trio’.
i think a huge part of the problem with the HP movies isn’t just the characterization of Ron but how they gave Harry and Hermione a lot of Ron’s qualities to compensate for his minimized screen time
If you watch the movie, you wonder why Ron is the person Harry would miss most since they reduced him to comedic relief, often times making fun of him, even though Ron’s truest humor came from making fun of other people and his dry comments back to Hermione (Hermione is at her funniest with Ron, lbr). But in the books it’s a no-brainer that Harry would miss Ron more than anyone. He’s miserable in the weeks they don’t talk in Goblet of Fire and even says directly that being best friends with Hermione isn’t nearly as fun as being best friends with Ron. Honestly, that makes me really question Harmonie shippers like…I’m sorry if any of my friends ship it, but it makes no sense since Harry prefers being around Hermione when Ron is there and seeing as how they barely talked in the 7th book when Ron left and how Harry even told her to stop talking in Goblet of Fire when Ron wasn’t there like…no. They can’t be a couple. Ron finds the fun in being with Hermione and that’s the important thing above all else. But I digress.
So in the movies, they give some of his comedic lines to Harry ( “you ought to get your inner eye checked” in PoA is the first big one that sticks out to me) and even the times he ruthlessly defends Hermione against Snape/Malfoy (Ron was always quicker to act on that than Harry, though they both were obviously upset by the comments). They give a lot of his impulsiveness to Hermione (whereas in the books she’s the wet blanket telling Harry and Ron to think before acting and Ron’s the one often times blindly following Harry) and even some of the wizarding knowledge he brings to the table. In Chamber of Secrets, Hermione doesn’t know what a Mudblood is. Ron gets enraged on her behalf while she’s clueless. Ron’s the one who knows the wizard fairy tales. Ron’s the one who knows about Squibs and blood purity and all of these things neither Harry and Hermione know. But in the movies they reduce him to the dumb side character. He doesn’t protect Hermione from Snape’s cruel words. He doesn’t enlighten his friends. He doesn’t make them laugh. It’s a disservice to a great character and a great actor.
Ron gave up years of Christmases with his family to be with Harry. Everyone loves how Mrs. Weasley made Harry Christmas gifts for his first holiday at Hogwarts, but who told her that Harry wasn’t expecting gifts? Ron. Ron defeated McGonagall’s chest set when he was only 11 and then sacrificed himself so they could go on. Neither Hermione nor Harry could’ve made it out alive without him. Ron attacked Malfoy with a broken wand when he called Hermione a slur. Ron was the only person who cared that Hermione was taking three classes at once. Ron stood up on a broken leg to protect Harry against Sirius Black when he thought Sirius had killed thirteen people and wanted to kill Harry. Ron always apologized when he screwed up with his friends, sometimes with actions, sometimes with words, often times both. He was the one to tell Hermione and Harry about the jinx on Voldemort’s name. Ron repeatedly calls Hermione brilliant while still getting her to take herself and grades less seriously whenever he can. He tries to learn how to use a telephone just so he can talk to Harry. He gives Dobby his Christmas sweater since Dobby loves clothes so much. Ron followed spiders into the forest to help figure out the mystery in the second book even though his worst fear is spiders. Ron always knows how to find humor in the worst situations, something his friends always need.
And the movies took all of that and made him a guy who just eats and says dumb things. So, yeah, that’s a huge part of why I hate the movie adaptations.
“James!” Lily’s voice echoed throughout the chamber as she burst into the hospital wing, sending both doors flying open as she went.
“Miss Evans, control yourself, please!”
Madam Pomfrey’s stern exterior broke when she saw the look of desperation on the young girl’s face. Quietly she whispered, “On the left, second from the back.”
Hermione desperately trying to conceal a crush : Harry is , like, tall and handsome and has a scar which makes him veeery mysterious and he’s eye colour too ! I bet that’s why everyone has a crush on him
Ron who literally has all the shit she just listed : bitch? Look . At . Me.
Headcanonsandmore 